Mike Drabble

Tag: integrative counselling

  • Finding Your Way: Exploring Your Sexuality Via the Safe Harbour of Counselling

    If you’ve found your way here, chances are you’re carrying something heavy. Perhaps it’s a question you’re afraid to ask out loud, a hurt that hasn’t healed, or a feeling of being out of step with the world around you. Please know, you’re not alone in this, and finding a path forward is entirely possible.

    I am an integrative counsellor based in the UK. Over many years of practice, I’ve had the privilege of sitting with people from all walks of life as they navigate one of the most personal and fundamental aspects of who they are: their sexuality. It’s a journey that can be filled with joy and self-discovery, but it can also be confusing, frightening, and isolating.

    The purpose of this article is to shed some light on the common struggles people face around their sexuality and to show you how counselling can offer a unique and powerful form of support. My hope is that in these words, you will feel seen and understood.

    Does Any of This Sound Familiar?

    Sexuality isn’t just about who we are attracted to; it’s woven into our identity, our relationships, and how we see our place in the world. When we face challenges in this area, it can shake our very foundations. Often, the people who come to see me are dealing with one or more of the following situations.

    “Who Am I?” – Questioning and Exploring Your Sexuality

    For many, sexuality isn’t a straightforward or fixed thing. You might be feeling a sense of confusion. Perhaps you’ve always identified as straight, but are now experiencing feelings for someone of the same gender. Maybe you’ve identified as gay or lesbian, but are questioning if that label truly fits. You might feel you don’t fit into any box at all, and the pressure to pick one can be immense.

    This inner questioning often comes with a chorus of internal voices. In my work as a counsellor, I sometimes draw on ideas from a model called Transactional Analysis, which helps us understand our different internal states. You might recognise a “voice” that sounds a lot like a critical parent or teacher from your past, telling you what you should be feeling. This is the voice that says, “This is just a phase,” or “You can’t be that, what would people think?”

    Then there’s another part of you, perhaps a younger, more intuitive part, that is simply feeling what it’s feeling. It’s this authentic part that we often learn to suppress. The conflict between the “shoulds” we’ve absorbed from our upbringing and our true, emerging feelings can create a huge amount of anxiety and self-doubt. You might feel like you’re living a lie, or that you’re broken in some way. You are not. You are simply on a journey of discovery.

    “You Can’t Be…” – Facing Prejudice from Those Closest to You

    One of the most painful experiences a person can endure is rejection from their own family, friends, or community because of their sexuality. We all have an unwritten “life story” that we think we are supposed to follow, often written for us by our parents and our culture. When you come out, or even just begin to question your identity, you are essentially telling them you’re going “off-script.”

    This can trigger a powerful reaction in them. Their own fears, prejudices, and disappointments can come rushing to the surface. They might say hurtful things, withdraw their love and support, or try to convince you that you are wrong. For you, this isn’t just a disagreement; it’s a fundamental rejection of who you are. It can feel like you’re being forced to choose between your authenticity and your closest relationships, a choice no one should have to make. This can lead to profound feelings of grief, anger, and a deep sense of loneliness.

    The same dynamic can play out in the workplace or in social circles. Colleagues might make insensitive jokes, exclude you from conversations, or treat you differently. These repeated, smaller hurts – sometimes called microaggressions – build up over time, chipping away at your confidence and your sense of safety.

    “Why Are They Always Talking About Us?” – Coping with Societal Noise

    Living as an LGBTQ+ person in the UK today means existing against a backdrop of constant noise. Your identity, your rights, and your very existence can feel like they are perpetually up for debate in the news, on social media, and in politics. This “culture war” rhetoric isn’t just abstract political talk; it has a real and damaging impact.

    It creates an atmosphere of anxiety and hyper-vigilance. You might find yourself scanning headlines for the latest attack, feeling a knot in your stomach when you see certain topics trending online. This external hostility can easily become internalised. We can unconsciously absorb the negative messages we hear and begin to believe them on some level. This can manifest as internalised shame – a quiet, persistent feeling that there is something wrong with you. It can make you feel unsafe in public spaces, hesitant to hold a partner’s hand, or afraid to be your true self for fear of judgement or harm. It is utterly exhausting.

    How Counselling Can Help: A Space to Breathe, A Place to Heal

    Navigating these challenges on your own is an immense burden. Counselling provides a dedicated space where you can put that burden down, look at it without fear, and start to heal. Here’s how my approach can help.

    A Genuinely Warm, Safe, and Non-Judgemental Space

    First and foremost, the counselling room is your space. It is a confidential container, separate from the expectations and judgements of the outside world. Here, you can say the unsayable. You can explore your attractions, your fears, your anger, and your confusion without any agenda from me. My role is not to give you answers or to label you, but to listen with warmth, empathy, and complete acceptance. I am here to walk alongside you on your path, wherever it may lead. For many, this is the first time they have ever felt able to speak about their sexuality with total honesty.

    Untangling the Knots: Making Sense of Your Experiences

    When we are hurting, our thoughts and feelings can feel like a tangled mess. Counselling is a process of gently untangling those knots. We can look at the painful interactions with family and understand what was really going on, both for you and for them. We can examine those recurring patterns of conversation where you end up feeling hurt and misunderstood. By understanding these dynamics, you can find new ways to respond that protect your emotional wellbeing, whether that means setting boundaries or processing your grief.

    We can also work on those internalised voices. We can give your own calm, rational “adult” voice more strength, allowing you to challenge the old, critical messages you’ve carried for so long. The goal is to help you develop a stronger, more compassionate relationship with yourself.

    The Benefits of an Integrative Approach

    “Integrative” simply means that I don’t believe in a one-size-fits-all approach to therapy. You are a unique individual, and our work together should reflect that. I draw upon a range of therapeutic models and ideas to tailor the sessions to what you need.

    For example, using ideas from Transactional Analysis can help us understand your relationship patterns and the “scripts” that might be holding you back. Exploring your experiences through a person-centred lens ensures that you are always at the heart of the work, treated with empathy and unconditional positive regard. We might also touch on concepts from behavioural therapies to explore the links between your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours, helping you develop practical strategies for managing anxiety or low mood. This flexibility allows us to find what truly resonates and works for you.

    Does This Sound Like You?

    If you have been nodding along as you read this—if you recognise yourself in the feelings of confusion, the pain of prejudice, or the exhaustion of living in a critical world—please know that you don’t have to carry this alone.

    Taking the first step to seek support is an act of courage and self-care. It’s an affirmation that you deserve to feel at peace with who you are, to have fulfilling relationships, and to live an authentic life, free from shame and fear.

    If you think you are ready to explore this journey in a supportive and confidential setting, I invite you to get in touch. We can arrange an initial conversation to see how I can help.

    To begin, please follow this link: Contact Me

  • Finding Your Way Through the Fog: Dealing with Depression in Counselling

    If you’re reading this, chances are that life feels heavy right now. Perhaps it feels like you’re wading through treacle, or that the colour has drained from your world, leaving everything in shades of grey. You might feel exhausted just from the effort of getting through the day. This is the reality of depression for so many people, and I want you to know, right from the start, that you are not alone in this, and you are not broken.

    My name is Mike, and as an integrative counsellor I have sat with many individuals who have felt this way. I have seen first-hand the courage it takes to even search for an article like this one. That search is a sign of hope, and hope is the first glimmer of light in the fog.

    What is Depression, Really?

    We use the word “depressed” quite casually in conversation, but the clinical experience of depression is something much more profound and persistent. It’s not just sadness. It can be a persistent numbness, a complete loss of interest in things you used to love, or a constant, nagging irritability that you can’t seem to shake.

    It often comes with a harsh inner critic – a voice in your head that tells you you’re not good enough, that you’re a burden, or that you’ve failed. It can disrupt your sleep, steal your appetite (or make you eat compulsively), and drain every last drop of your energy. It can make you feel utterly isolated, even when you’re surrounded by people who care.

    Depression is not a choice or a sign of weakness. It is a complex response to a combination of life events, biological factors, and personal history. It is a very human experience, and like any other health issue, it deserves to be treated with care, compassion, and professional support.

    How Can Counselling Help?

    Talking to friends and family can be a wonderful support, but sometimes it isn’t enough. They may love you deeply, but they are part of your life and can find it difficult to remain objective. They might rush to offer solutions, telling you to “cheer up” or “snap out of it,” which, as you know, isn’t helpful.

    Counselling offers something different: a unique, confidential space that is entirely yours. It’s a dedicated time each week, just for you, to speak openly and honestly without fear of judgment, expectation, or of burdening someone. It’s a place to be truly heard.

    In our sessions, we don’t just talk about the symptoms of depression; we get curious about its roots. What is your depression trying to tell you? Where did that harsh inner critic come from? What past experiences or unresolved feelings might be fuelling this exhaustion? By gently exploring these questions together, we can begin to understand your depression not as a random illness, but as a meaningful response to your life’s circumstances. This understanding is the first step towards lasting change.

    How Counselling With Me Can Help

    As an integrative counsellor, I don’t believe in a ‘one-size-fits-all’ approach. You are a unique individual, and our work together will be tailored specifically to you. I draw on different therapeutic ideas to help you find what works best.

    One of the approaches I find particularly helpful is known as Transactional Analysis, but you don’t need to worry about the jargon. In simple terms, it helps us look at the different ‘parts’ that make up our personality.

    For example, we all have a part that is like a nurturing or critical Parent, repeating messages we absorbed in childhood. When we’re depressed, that critical parent voice is often working overtime. We also have an emotional Child part, which holds our feelings, our creativity, and our past hurts. Depression can feel like this part of us is sad, scared, or has simply given up. Finally, we have a rational, here-and-now Adult part, which can observe the other two and make conscious choices.

    Our work together would involve strengthening your Adult self, so you can soothe your hurting inner Child and challenge that unhelpful inner Parent. We can begin to change that internal dialogue from one of self-criticism to one of self-compassion.

    We might also explore the ‘life stories’ we unconsciously write for ourselves. Sometimes, based on early experiences, we create a story that says, “I’m not worthy of happiness,” or “Things will always go wrong for me.” We then live out this story, repeating patterns without realising it. Counselling can help you become aware of your story and empower you to start writing a new, more hopeful chapter.

    Ultimately, the foundation of our work is the relationship we build together – one based on trust, respect, and empathy. My role isn’t to give you advice or fix you, because you are not broken. My role is to walk alongside you in the fog, holding a lantern, while you rediscover your own strength and find your own way out.

    Does This Sound Like You?

    If you’ve been reading this and nodding along, feeling that sense of recognition, then perhaps it’s time to take the next step. I know it can feel daunting, especially when your energy is low. But making that first contact is a powerful act of kindness to yourself.

    If you’re ready to see how I can help you navigate your way through depression and find more colour in your world again, please get in touch for a no-obligation initial chat.

    I look forward to hearing from you.

  • Finding Your Way Back to Yourself: Why a Human Therapist Offers Something AI Can’t

    As an experienced integrative counsellor, I’ve seen countless individuals navigate the complex landscape of their inner worlds. In recent years, a new factor has emerged in this landscape: the rise of Artificial Intelligence (AI) tools like ChatGPT and Gemini. It’s understandable why so many people are turning to these digital companions for support with their mental health. They’re readily available at any time of day or night, offer anonymity, and can provide a seemingly endless stream of information and responses without the need for appointments or financial commitment.

    For some, these AIs can be a helpful starting point. Perhaps you’re feeling a bit lost and unsure where to begin with your mental health. An AI might offer simple coping strategies, provide information on different conditions, or even help you brainstorm ways to manage daily stressors. It can be a low-pressure way to explore some initial thoughts and feelings, and for some, it might offer a sense of companionship when feeling isolated. It’s like having a well-stocked library at your fingertips, offering definitions and general advice on a wide range of topics.

    When AI Falls Short: The Limits of a Digital Companion

    However, while AI can offer quick answers, it’s crucial to understand that it simply cannot replicate the profound and transformative experience of working with a human therapist. In fact, relying solely on an AI for significant mental health support can be deeply problematic, sometimes even reinforcing unhelpful patterns rather than offering the genuine challenge and growth needed for lasting change.

    Think about it this way: AI is designed to process information and generate responses based on patterns in the data it has been trained on. It doesn’t feel or understand in the way a human does. It can mimic empathy, but it doesn’t experience it. This means that while an AI might reflect your words back to you, or offer what seems like a supportive statement, it lacks the true depth of human connection and intuition that is essential for real therapeutic work.

    From a therapeutic perspective, this can be particularly concerning. One of the core tenets of Transactional Analysis, a powerful approach I often use, is the idea of “ego states” – our internal “Parent,” “Adult,” and “Child” ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving. When we’re struggling, we might find ourselves stuck in unhelpful “Child” patterns, perhaps feeling helpless, rebellious, or seeking constant approval. An AI, in its eagerness to be “helpful” and non-confrontational, might inadvertently reinforce these unhelpful “Child” responses, rather than gently guiding you towards your more resourceful “Adult” state, where you can think clearly and make independent choices. It can’t truly challenge your “scripts” – the unconscious life plans we develop in childhood that often dictate our reactions and relationships. It doesn’t understand the subtle, nuanced ways these scripts play out in your daily interactions, nor can it help you consciously “redecide” on a new, healthier path.

    AI also cannot truly “see” beyond the words you type. It misses the shifts in your tone of voice, the subtle body language that speaks volumes, the unsaid emotions simmering beneath the surface. It can’t pick up on the patterns in your relationships with others, or the ways you might be unconsciously repeating past experiences in your present life. Without this holistic understanding, it can’t offer the genuine, tailored support needed to truly unravel complex issues. In some deeply worrying cases, individuals have reported becoming overly dependent on AI chatbots, or even experiencing heightened distress when the AI cannot truly grasp the depth of their struggles. An algorithm simply cannot offer a safety net or a true crisis response in the way a human professional can.

    The Unparalleled Benefits of a Human Therapist

    This is where the transformative power of a human therapist truly shines. A human therapist offers something an AI never can: a genuine, empathic, and dynamic relationship. It’s through this unique relationship that deep and lasting change becomes possible.

    Here are just a few of the profound benefits of working with a human therapist:

    • Real Connection and Empathy: We are wired for connection. In a therapeutic relationship, you experience true empathy – the feeling of being deeply understood, not just on an intellectual level, but emotionally. This profound sense of being “seen” and “heard” by another human being is incredibly healing. It creates a safe space where you can truly be yourself, without fear of judgment.
    • Holding a Safe Space for Vulnerability: Sometimes, the most important work happens in the silences, in the moments of hesitation, or when words are simply not enough. A human therapist can sit with you in those difficult moments, offering a reassuring presence and allowing you the space to process uncomfortable emotions at your own pace. This “holding” is something an AI cannot do.
    • Navigating Complex Emotions and Patterns: Our lives are intricate tapestries of experiences, relationships, and ingrained patterns. A human therapist has the training and lived experience to help you untangle these complexities. We can pick up on subtle cues, identify recurring themes, and gently challenge unhelpful thoughts and behaviours in a way that an AI, limited by its programming, cannot. We can help you explore your “Adult” ego state, encouraging rational thought and empowering you to make conscious choices, rather than being driven by old “Child” patterns or critical “Parent” messages.
    • Tailored and Responsive Support: As an integrative counsellor, my approach is not a one-size-fits-all solution. I draw upon a range of proven therapeutic models, including Transactional Analysis, to create a unique approach that fits you. If one way of working isn’t quite resonating, I can adapt and adjust. This responsiveness is vital because your journey is unique, and what works for one person may not work for another. An AI provides pre-programmed responses; a human therapist provides bespoke care.
    • Facilitating Lasting Change, Not Just Quick Fixes: Real therapeutic change isn’t about getting a quick answer; it’s about understanding the roots of your difficulties and developing new ways of being in the world. It’s about challenging those old “scripts” and “redeciding” how you want to live. This often involves uncomfortable realisations and difficult emotional processing, which a human therapist is trained and equipped to guide you through safely. We’re not just offering information; we’re guiding a process of profound personal growth.
    • Accountability and Consistency: Committing to regular sessions with a human therapist provides a crucial element of accountability. Knowing you have a dedicated time and space to explore your challenges can encourage you to engage more deeply with the process, fostering consistency that is often lacking when interacting with an on-demand AI.

    My Approach as an Integrative Counsellor with Transactional Analysis

    As an integrative counsellor, I believe that every person is unique, and therefore, their therapeutic journey should be too. My primary approach is rooted in Transactional Analysis (TA), which offers a remarkably accessible and powerful framework for understanding ourselves and our relationships.

    With TA, we can explore:

    • Your “Ego States”: We’ll look at the different parts of your personality – your “Parent” (our internalised messages from authority figures), your “Adult” (your logical, problem-solving self in the present moment), and your “Child” (your feelings, impulses, and creative self from childhood). Understanding which ego state you’re operating from in different situations can bring immense clarity to your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours, especially in your relationships.
    • Your “Transactions”: We’ll examine your patterns of communication and interaction with others. Are your conversations “complementary” and flowing, or do they often become “crossed” and lead to misunderstandings? Are there “ulterior” motives at play? By understanding these “transactions,” we can uncover why certain interactions feel difficult and develop healthier ways of relating.
    • Your “Life Script”: Many of us unknowingly live out a “life script” – an unconscious plan formed in childhood that influences our decisions, relationships, and even our destiny. By exploring your script, we can identify unhelpful patterns and “redecide” to create a more fulfilling life for yourself. This is where real empowerment begins.

    By integrating TA with other therapeutic approaches, I can tailor our work to your specific needs, whether you’re grappling with anxiety, depression, relationship challenges, past trauma, or simply a feeling of being stuck. My aim is to offer a warm, non-judgemental space where you feel truly heard and understood. Together, we will work collaboratively, empowering you to gain insight, challenge old patterns, and ultimately, find your way back to a more authentic and fulfilling version of yourself.

    Does This Sound Like You?

    If you’ve been considering support for your mental well-being, and the idea of a genuine, human connection in a safe and supportive space resonates with you, then I encourage you to reach out. Perhaps you’ve tried AI and found it lacking, or you simply know, deep down, that you need something more profound.

    True change and self-discovery blossom in the fertile ground of a trusting human relationship. I’m here to walk alongside you on that journey.

    Please don’t hesitate to get in touch to see how I can help.

  • That Drifting Feeling: Finding Your Anchor When Life Feels Meaningless

    It can start as a whisper, a nagging thought at the back of your mind during the quiet moments. Then, it can grow into a persistent hum, a heavy blanket that smothers the colour from your days. The feeling that, despite all of your constant effort, your life is going nowhere. If you’re reading this, chances are you know that feeling. It’s a sense of being adrift on a vast ocean with no land in sight, a feeling of going through the motions without a true sense of purpose. As an experienced integrative counsellor, I want you to know that you are not alone in this, and more importantly, there is a way to find your anchor.

    Why Do We Feel This Way? The Roots of Meaninglessness

    Feeling that life lacks meaning is a deeply human experience, and in our fast-paced, high-pressure world, it’s becoming increasingly common. Sometimes, this feeling can be triggered by a significant life event: the loss of a loved one, a relationship breakdown, redundancy, or a major health diagnosis. These moments can shake the foundations of the life we’ve built, leaving us questioning what it was all for.

    But often, it’s a more gradual erosion. Perhaps you’ve achieved the goals you thought would make you happy – the career, the house, the family – only to find a hollow feeling remains. The constant pressure to be ‘on’, to be successful, to present a perfect life on social media can leave us feeling disconnected from our true selves. We can end up living a life that looks good on the outside but feels empty within.

    In my work, I often draw on ideas from different therapeutic approaches to help people understand these feelings. One that I find particularly helpful is Transactional Analysis, which, in simple terms, looks at how our past experiences shape our present. As children, we often receive messages about who we should be and how we should live. These messages, from parents, teachers, and society, form a kind of ‘life script’. We might be told that our worth comes from our achievements, our ability to please others, or our material success. As adults, we can find ourselves unconsciously following this script, even if it no longer fits who we are or what we truly want. When we live by a script that isn’t our own, a sense of meaninglessness is often the unwelcome result.

    The Weight of a Life Without Purpose

    Living with a chronic sense of meaninglessness is more than just feeling a bit down. It can drain your energy, making it hard to get out of bed in the morning. Motivation plummets, and activities you once enjoyed can feel like a chore. It can lead to a sense of isolation, a feeling that no one truly understands what you’re going through.

    This can impact our relationships, our work, and our physical health. We might withdraw from friends and family, struggle to concentrate at work, or neglect our physical well-being. Over time, this feeling can curdle into more serious mental health challenges like depression and anxiety. It’s a heavy weight to carry, and it’s not something you have to bear alone.

    Finding Your Compass: Addressing Meaninglessness Through Structure and Purpose

    So, how do we begin to find our way back to a life that feels meaningful? The answer often lies in creating our own sense of structure and purpose, rather than relying on external validation or outdated ‘life scripts’. This is a journey of self-discovery, of reconnecting with what truly matters to you.

    As an integrative counsellor, I work with my clients to explore this in a way that feels right for them. We might start by looking at those old ‘life scripts’. By understanding the messages you received in childhood, we can begin to see which ones are still serving you and which ones it’s time to let go of. Transactional Analysis offers a simple but powerful model for doing this, which we can discuss in session.

    We also work on identifying your core values. What is truly important to you, deep down? Is it creativity, connection, learning, or making a difference to others? Once you have a clearer sense of your values, you can start to build a life that reflects them. This doesn’t necessarily mean making dramatic, sweeping changes. Often, it’s about small, consistent steps. It could be carving out time for a forgotten hobby, volunteering for a cause you care about, or simply making more time for the people who lift you up.

    Finding structure is also key. When life feels chaotic and formless, creating routines and rituals can provide a sense of stability and forward momentum. This could be as simple as a morning walk, a weekly coffee with a friend, or setting aside time each day for quiet reflection. These small, intentional acts can be powerful anchors in the storm of meaninglessness.

    Does This Sound Like You?

    If you’ve been nodding along as you read this, feeling that sense of emptiness and longing for something more, please know that there is hope. Taking the step to seek counselling is an act of courage and a commitment to yourself. In our confidential sessions, we can explore these feelings together, without judgment. We can work to understand the unique reasons behind your sense of meaninglessness and, most importantly, we can start to build a life that feels authentic, purposeful, and truly yours. You don’t have to keep drifting. Let’s work together to find your anchor. Please get in touch to see how I can help you find your way back to a life of meaning and purpose.