Life, in its essence, is a series of changes. Some are gentle and welcome, like the turning of the seasons. Others arrive like a sudden storm, leaving us feeling disoriented, vulnerable, and unsure of which way to turn. If you’re reading this, chances are you are in the midst of one of those storms. I want you to know that what you are feeling is a perfectly human response to a difficult situation. You are not alone.
As an integrative counsellor with many years of experience, I’ve had the privilege of sitting with people as they navigate some of life’s most challenging transitions. I’ve seen first-hand how these moments, as painful as they can be, also hold the potential for profound growth and a deeper understanding of ourselves.
The Tides of Change
While every person’s story is unique, the events that shake our foundations often fall into a few common categories. Perhaps you recognise your own situation in one of these.
Relationships: A relationship is more than just a person; it’s a shared world, a routine, a vision of the future. When it ends, whether through a difficult break-up, a divorce, or the slow, painful realisation that you feel trapped, the loss is immense. It’s not just the person you grieve, but the future you had planned. You might be asking yourself, “Who am I without them?” or feeling overwhelmed by the practical and emotional fallout.
Career and Vocation: Our work often forms a huge part of our identity. A major shift here can feel like a shift in our very self. This can happen when leaving university and facing the vast, daunting world of work; being made redundant and losing not just an income but a sense of purpose and community; or retiring and finding that the structure that held your days together for decades has vanished overnight. These changes challenge our sense of value and competence.
Health and a Changing Body: Nothing brings us face-to-face with our own vulnerability quite like a health crisis. This could be the gradual process of ageing, a sudden and serious diagnosis, or learning to live with a chronic illness. The feeling of being betrayed by your own body is powerful. It forces us to confront our mortality and renegotiate our relationship with a body that may no longer be able to do what we once took for granted.
The Ripple Effect: How These Changes Impact Us
A major life change doesn’t just affect one part of our lives; its ripples spread outwards, touching everything. It can leave you feeling anxious, depressed, angry, or simply numb. You might find your sleep is disturbed, your patience is thin, and your confidence is at an all-time low.
From a therapeutic perspective, what’s happening is that the story you’ve been telling yourself about your life has been suddenly ripped up. We all have an internal “life script” – an unconscious story we wrote for ourselves in childhood about who we are, how the world works, and what our future holds. A major change, like a divorce or a job loss, can feel like a direct contradiction to that script. We’re left confused, without a map.
When this happens, different parts of us react.
- There’s often a part that sounds a lot like a critical parent or a teacher from our past – an internal voice telling us we’ve failed, that we ‘should’ have seen this coming, or that we ‘ought’ to be coping better. This voice can be harsh and unforgiving.
- Then there’s a younger, more vulnerable part of us that holds our past hurts and fears. This is the part that feels small, scared, overwhelmed, or abandoned – much like a child might feel in a frightening new situation.
- In the middle of all this noise is our thinking, rational, present-day self. This is the part that’s trying to solve the problem, make a plan, and move forward. But it can easily get drowned out by the critical voice and the scared feelings.
When these parts of ourselves are in conflict, we feel stuck. We might find ourselves repeating unhelpful patterns, having the same circular arguments in our head, or feeling paralysed and unable to make a decision.
Finding Your Compass: How Counselling Can Help
This is where counselling can be a lifeline. It provides a unique kind of space – one that is confidential, safe, and entirely yours. It’s a place where you don’t have to pretend you’re “fine.” You can bring your anger, your fear, your confusion, and your grief, and know that it will be met with acceptance, not judgement.
How My Approach Can Help
As an integrative counsellor, I don’t believe in a one-size-fits-all solution. Your life and your problems are unique, so our work together will be tailored specifically to you. I draw on different therapeutic ideas, including Transactional Analysis, to help make sense of what you’re going through.
In our sessions, we can:
- Give a voice to all parts of you. We can listen to that internal critic and understand where it came from. We can soothe that scared inner child. By doing this, we can quieten the internal noise, allowing your thinking, rational self to come to the forefront and navigate the situation with more clarity.
- Examine your “life script.” We can look at the old story you’ve been living by. Is it still serving you? Does it even belong to you, or is it one you inherited from your family or from society? A life change, while painful, is a powerful opportunity to decide if you want to write a new, more authentic chapter for yourself.
- Understand your patterns. We can gently explore why you might get stuck in certain cycles of thinking or behaviour. By bringing these patterns into the light, we take away their power, giving you the freedom to choose a different response.
- Build your resources. I will not give you advice or tell you what to do. My role is to act as a skilled companion on your journey. I will help you find your own strengths, build your resilience, and rediscover your own inner compass so you can navigate not just this change, but future ones too.
Does This Sound Like You?
If you feel lost at a crossroads, if your internal world feels chaotic and overwhelming, or if you simply feel that the story of your life has gone off-piste and you need help finding the path again, please know that support is available. You don’t have to navigate this storm alone. Taking the first step to ask for help is an act of courage and self-compassion. If you feel that now is the right time, I invite you to contact me for a confidential, no-obligation chat about how we might be able to work together.
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