If you’ve found your way here, chances are you’re carrying something heavy. Perhaps it’s a question you’re afraid to ask out loud, a hurt that hasn’t healed, or a feeling of being out of step with the world around you. Please know, you’re not alone in this, and finding a path forward is entirely possible.
I am an integrative counsellor based in the UK. Over many years of practice, I’ve had the privilege of sitting with people from all walks of life as they navigate one of the most personal and fundamental aspects of who they are: their sexuality. It’s a journey that can be filled with joy and self-discovery, but it can also be confusing, frightening, and isolating.
The purpose of this article is to shed some light on the common struggles people face around their sexuality and to show you how counselling can offer a unique and powerful form of support. My hope is that in these words, you will feel seen and understood.
Does Any of This Sound Familiar?
Sexuality isn’t just about who we are attracted to; it’s woven into our identity, our relationships, and how we see our place in the world. When we face challenges in this area, it can shake our very foundations. Often, the people who come to see me are dealing with one or more of the following situations.
“Who Am I?” – Questioning and Exploring Your Sexuality
For many, sexuality isn’t a straightforward or fixed thing. You might be feeling a sense of confusion. Perhaps you’ve always identified as straight, but are now experiencing feelings for someone of the same gender. Maybe you’ve identified as gay or lesbian, but are questioning if that label truly fits. You might feel you don’t fit into any box at all, and the pressure to pick one can be immense.
This inner questioning often comes with a chorus of internal voices. In my work as a counsellor, I sometimes draw on ideas from a model called Transactional Analysis, which helps us understand our different internal states. You might recognise a “voice” that sounds a lot like a critical parent or teacher from your past, telling you what you should be feeling. This is the voice that says, “This is just a phase,” or “You can’t be that, what would people think?”
Then there’s another part of you, perhaps a younger, more intuitive part, that is simply feeling what it’s feeling. It’s this authentic part that we often learn to suppress. The conflict between the “shoulds” we’ve absorbed from our upbringing and our true, emerging feelings can create a huge amount of anxiety and self-doubt. You might feel like you’re living a lie, or that you’re broken in some way. You are not. You are simply on a journey of discovery.
“You Can’t Be…” – Facing Prejudice from Those Closest to You
One of the most painful experiences a person can endure is rejection from their own family, friends, or community because of their sexuality. We all have an unwritten “life story” that we think we are supposed to follow, often written for us by our parents and our culture. When you come out, or even just begin to question your identity, you are essentially telling them you’re going “off-script.”
This can trigger a powerful reaction in them. Their own fears, prejudices, and disappointments can come rushing to the surface. They might say hurtful things, withdraw their love and support, or try to convince you that you are wrong. For you, this isn’t just a disagreement; it’s a fundamental rejection of who you are. It can feel like you’re being forced to choose between your authenticity and your closest relationships, a choice no one should have to make. This can lead to profound feelings of grief, anger, and a deep sense of loneliness.
The same dynamic can play out in the workplace or in social circles. Colleagues might make insensitive jokes, exclude you from conversations, or treat you differently. These repeated, smaller hurts – sometimes called microaggressions – build up over time, chipping away at your confidence and your sense of safety.
“Why Are They Always Talking About Us?” – Coping with Societal Noise
Living as an LGBTQ+ person in the UK today means existing against a backdrop of constant noise. Your identity, your rights, and your very existence can feel like they are perpetually up for debate in the news, on social media, and in politics. This “culture war” rhetoric isn’t just abstract political talk; it has a real and damaging impact.
It creates an atmosphere of anxiety and hyper-vigilance. You might find yourself scanning headlines for the latest attack, feeling a knot in your stomach when you see certain topics trending online. This external hostility can easily become internalised. We can unconsciously absorb the negative messages we hear and begin to believe them on some level. This can manifest as internalised shame – a quiet, persistent feeling that there is something wrong with you. It can make you feel unsafe in public spaces, hesitant to hold a partner’s hand, or afraid to be your true self for fear of judgement or harm. It is utterly exhausting.
How Counselling Can Help: A Space to Breathe, A Place to Heal
Navigating these challenges on your own is an immense burden. Counselling provides a dedicated space where you can put that burden down, look at it without fear, and start to heal. Here’s how my approach can help.
A Genuinely Warm, Safe, and Non-Judgemental Space
First and foremost, the counselling room is your space. It is a confidential container, separate from the expectations and judgements of the outside world. Here, you can say the unsayable. You can explore your attractions, your fears, your anger, and your confusion without any agenda from me. My role is not to give you answers or to label you, but to listen with warmth, empathy, and complete acceptance. I am here to walk alongside you on your path, wherever it may lead. For many, this is the first time they have ever felt able to speak about their sexuality with total honesty.
Untangling the Knots: Making Sense of Your Experiences
When we are hurting, our thoughts and feelings can feel like a tangled mess. Counselling is a process of gently untangling those knots. We can look at the painful interactions with family and understand what was really going on, both for you and for them. We can examine those recurring patterns of conversation where you end up feeling hurt and misunderstood. By understanding these dynamics, you can find new ways to respond that protect your emotional wellbeing, whether that means setting boundaries or processing your grief.
We can also work on those internalised voices. We can give your own calm, rational “adult” voice more strength, allowing you to challenge the old, critical messages you’ve carried for so long. The goal is to help you develop a stronger, more compassionate relationship with yourself.
The Benefits of an Integrative Approach
“Integrative” simply means that I don’t believe in a one-size-fits-all approach to therapy. You are a unique individual, and our work together should reflect that. I draw upon a range of therapeutic models and ideas to tailor the sessions to what you need.
For example, using ideas from Transactional Analysis can help us understand your relationship patterns and the “scripts” that might be holding you back. Exploring your experiences through a person-centred lens ensures that you are always at the heart of the work, treated with empathy and unconditional positive regard. We might also touch on concepts from behavioural therapies to explore the links between your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours, helping you develop practical strategies for managing anxiety or low mood. This flexibility allows us to find what truly resonates and works for you.
Does This Sound Like You?
If you have been nodding along as you read this—if you recognise yourself in the feelings of confusion, the pain of prejudice, or the exhaustion of living in a critical world—please know that you don’t have to carry this alone.
Taking the first step to seek support is an act of courage and self-care. It’s an affirmation that you deserve to feel at peace with who you are, to have fulfilling relationships, and to live an authentic life, free from shame and fear.
If you think you are ready to explore this journey in a supportive and confidential setting, I invite you to get in touch. We can arrange an initial conversation to see how I can help.
To begin, please follow this link: Contact Me
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